I’m not a content creator. I’m a truth teller with a camera.
I interrupt my own Sunday to bring you this blog post.
Yes, that blog post. The one I said I’d write every Sunday for the last nine years. Out of 468 Sundays, I’ve probably written 50. Maybe.
That’s not entirely fair. Back when I was focused on building my brand and the Paradox Gaming Network, I was doing all the things I thought I had to do. The blog was one of those things I checked off the list.
Then I got sick. Stayed sick. A few years of it. This year has been nothing but health crisis after health crisis. At this point, I’m one bad day away from being back in the hospital. One more after that and we know where it goes next. So I took a page from Yellowstone and said:
Fuck it.
For years, I chased the dream of building a platform. I wanted reach. I wanted impact. In the grand scheme of things, I got maybe 3 seconds of fame. Not 15 minutes, just a flicker. It wasn’t even fame. Probably more like notoriety. Mostly because people don’t like what I have to say, and they sure don’t like how I say it.
Recently, I told my Twitch audience something personal. I’m neurodivergent. I didn’t know that until I was 40. Most of my life, I was just labeled a loner. Not anti-social. Not personality disorder. Just an introvert with a checklist. Social stuff, parties, family drama... all of that felt like dead weight. I had things to do.
I opened up because I’ve accepted something. I’m too old to trend. I’m not going to burn my integrity for clicks. I’m not going to sacrifice my character to pull a Simurgh and buy 10,000 fake viewers just to pretend I’m someone important.
I’m already in the top 2 percent of Twitch. That’s enough.
I’m never going to choose hype over honesty. I won’t kiss ass for subs or donations. You either like me or you don’t. You like my tone, my delivery, my message... or you move on. That’s fine.
Right now, there are over 112,000 live channels on Twitch. If I’m not your style, someone else is.
I will not trend-chase. I will not fake-smile. I will not sell out. That is not who I am. That has never been who I am.
I’m not here for fame. Would more money help? Sure. I would hire writers, researchers, an editor, a clip-maker, a social media manager. Trickle-down economics and all that buzzword noise. Not today.
People say cruel things to me all the time. That is another reason I started talking about being neurodivergent. Insults don’t work on me. You will never say anything meaner than what I have already said to myself. Wasting your breath trying to hurt me is pointless.
I didn’t show up to be liked. I showed up to be useful.
While everyone else is chasing their 100,000-view video, I’m chasing one person. Just one. One person who rethinks something. One person who retools something. One person who rebuilds something in their life because of something I said. That is a win.
Want to actually hurt me? Don’t call me names. Find a flaw in my logic. Force me to rethink something I thought I had locked down. That is your victory.
If I make one video that helps one person, that is enough.
This isn’t just about content creation. This is about life.
A lot of people feel lost. But here’s the truth. You’re not lost if you never had a destination. You’re just on the journey.
Too many people are building careers, identities, and personas on sand. When the tide shifts, they collapse. Trends snap back and forth faster than most people can adapt. That is why my Twitch show is built differently. No nonsense. No fluff. No bullshit.
I would rather have 10 viewers who challenge me than 10,000 who blindly clap.
I’m building for truth.
Fuck the trends.